Well, we drove away from Pittsburgh.
That didn't feel too good.
I woke up this morning on a mattress on my
brother's floor in Memphis. It was barely light out and for a few moments I thought I was in my own room in our old little red house. Then a tight
feeling around my heart sorted things out for me. We really left. Were we
really there?
I lay there trying to make sense of how
the people that have filled my life for the last four years are now, at least
day to day, just black and white letters in an email in-box and a sparse few
pictures on a blog. That doesn’t seem right. I guess, though I do recommend it,
caring hurts.
I've been in to see our new house. It's lovely,
but feels like it doesn’t belong to me. I'm anxious about whether or not I can
make a place a home again. Like, I don't know if I have it in me.
Now, because this post is borderline
"Old Yeller,” I will add that living close to my
great older brother and his wonderful wife I just know is going to be gangbusters.
Also, I shouldn't write blog posts late at
night when everyone has gone to sleep and I'm feeling tired and lonely. I guess since I'm
the only one awake I'm going to have to tell myself to buck up and have a
little faith.
Hey, Kate. Buck up! And have a little
faith.
It's gonna be alright.
15 comments:
I know how you feel. Leaving Texas after 5 years, I was sure I would never find friends like that again and never love another house again. But here I am in Denver 3 years later surrounded by awesome friends that I don't know how I ever lived without them in a house I love. It gets better. Best of luck to you!
Oh, Kate. All of you will be greatly missed on a daily basis, most definitely. You really made that little red house a fabulous home, and I know it hurts to leave behind. (It hurts me to just think about it; I can't imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes.) But . . .
You are still you. You still have these awesome people around you that love you, depend on you, and support you, all at the same time. You won't need to even try to make the new house a home; in fact, don't try too hard - you know it will just come to you in tiny moments throughout the days: "Oh, that spot would be perfect for...!" and "Now that we have a clean slate upon which we can impress ourselves, let's do [xyz] with that wall!" You know it will happen. But start small & simple and let it come to you over time. (Oh, and have one picture of the little red house somewhere in your new home. :-) )
I'm sure your sense of simple elegance will make magic in the new house, and in no time at all, it will fit like a comfortable sweater, keeping you cozy, warm, and happy.
Missing you all. Be well! I'm trying to fix up some things with our blog, then I'll be able to make some new posts to help keep in touch. (Hopefully soon!)
Take care!
hang in there, hermana. deep breaths. my heart still feels like it's been ripped out of my chest, and if i think about dallas too much right now i'll turn into a puddle on my couch. and you put it perfectly: caring hurts. it hurts a lot. but don't you love looking back on your life at every stage and counting how many wonderful friends you've picked up along the path and put in your quiver, and what they've taught you? all because you've had to move, start over and get out of your comfort zone. and isn't it exciting to wonder who in this new city will become one of those gems? that's what keeps me hopeful.
The comments are back! Well, I know your Memphis family is thrilled to have you close. They love living by family and somehow they always do. I wish you the best of luck. Change is so hard.
aw friend. i'm sorry. moving sucks, but i agree with erin - you will meet people you never knew you couldn't live without. you'll wonder how in the world you ever survived before knowing them. :) plus you're a pretty rockin' friend to have, they are super lucky ducks. five star friend, you are.
but, the grief from the move stinks. sorry girlie.
The first six months/year in a new place are a bummer. But you sure are in a great town with a lot of great built-in connections. Be sure to hit a play at playhouse-on-the-square, a Memphis Ballet Production and anything at the Orpheum Theater downtown Memphis. That theater is an old treasure, somewhat like the Egyptian in Ogden. It just always made me so happy to be there. The arts are pretty amazing in Memphis for such a small city. Also do Mud Island on a hot summer day is the best. You're so lucky.
You guys ran through my mind today. Hey! They're moving like soon! My prayers are coming your way. I hope you feel calm and comfort during oodles of change! Congrats on getting your Cute selves down there! Thats a victory alone! My dad would Remind me Rome Wasn't built in a day. I hope we can really take a boat down the Mississippi and see ya soon!! Cause boy you got a friend in Memphis! Love and miss you guys!!
I sit here thinking should I leave a positive comment or wallow in your sorrow. We have been here for almost a year and my heart still hurts for my home. It has gotten easier, but I have to admit I am really tired of doing this moving thing...hopefully only one more for both of us...sound good?
I'm right there with Erin and Lori...so well said. caring does hurt, and i am jealous of those new people you are going to meet and love and who get to have yinz guys (wink wink). i too am sad that i'm just a name in your inbox, and am crying some good tears myself right now. (especially since i just now have free time!!) you guys are just so special, really you are. and really...if ANYONE can take over a new space and make it home...it's you! Like Scrumpy Dad said...take your time, but enjoy the process. It will feel like "yours" before you know it. i look forward to seeing your new place become yours on your blog. and chin up my friend... i'm just SURE there are some rockin' friends just waiting to adore you!!!
Dearest Kate, Grandma Hale said in the celestial kingdom you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight. While I hope that's true, I also hope we will be able to be with any of the people we love in the blink of an eye.
Kate, I feel the same way. I sit up at night or randomly during the day and say did they really leave? It doesn't help that everynight my kidlets pray that you will come back. I am so happy that you were able to stay with us before you left, so we could soak up everylast minute possible before you headed South. I guess we will just have to come visit, or plan a trip to be in Utah at the same time. We Love you guys!
i enjoy your musings...because they're honest and sweet. glad you opened up the comments. :) i don't really have much that's wise to say. but i think you are amazing and such a wonderful friend. i'm excited for the people who get to rub shoulders with you and your family. you are a total gem.
yes i did meet Victoria and told her how much i love you! she is much like you, very caring and easy to talk to. i loved that we visited for a bit and then i found out you were sisters. :)
did you know that my in-laws just got their mission call to Knoxville?!
hope everything runs smoothly for you!! lots of love!
Oh, Kate:( Im sure everyone else woke up and felt the same thing about their lives sanz the Wilsons. I was so ready to start life when we left Pittsburgh but I have to admit, I woke up thinking the same thing. We miss everyone so much too. Things will normalize but you wont be happy again until you get to be our neighbor here in UT:) Just kidding. HAD TO TRY! You will be hosing play dates and home teaching parties in no time. Follow your advice because you are pretty smart! Miss you so much!! Good luck in TN. Cant wait to hear if you or the kids get any accents.
hang in there! i know you will and YES you have it in you to make a house a home. you are kate, the master of a homemaker! i can't wait to see what adventures unfold for you. you certainly do have to put that part of your life in your heart where you can visit it often. you will attract so many good and new things, it takes time. and thanks for the sweet, kind comments you left on my blog the other day. it really helps to get all kinds of ideas on where to go with this crazy thing. THANKS!
Of course things will be ok. Everything in life always works out- this we know.
Some days it's perfectly fine to wallow. You're doing a huge thing- moving across the earfff is no small journey. I'm so impressed, proud and so happy to have the opportunity to read your stories.
On you go.. you are loved!
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