Hello, Hello! I do exist. Just been feeling like I'm barely holding the fabric of my life together. Well now, that sounds a bit dramatic. But I am certainly finding myself astonished at what needs to be done in a day lately, and making time to blog just feels a little out of the scope of my capabilities. Yet I'm not quite sure I'm ready to let go of this little window into our history. So limping on we go!
Caleb has his shoulder to the wheel these days. Long nights and early mornings and nights away and hours and hours standing over the surgery table has him looking and feeling a bit spent, to be sure. I think he's aged five years in one. I'm finding him just more handsome and distinguished and wonderful, and wouldn't mind more time for the appreciation of such things. But this is what we signed up for, and I'm grateful to be missing my husband for worthwhile reasons.
I don't think I've had my whole house clean at the same time in a couple of months. I don't think I've finished a "to do" list in weeks. I mean finished writing a "to do" list. I find myself taking deep breaths as I move from caring for O and E during the day, to homework, to music lessons, to dinner, to cleaning, to showers, to bed (and all the emotions and energies and little needs that go along with such.) Repeat daily, with four little girls. At night I just want to chat with Caleb and go to bed, but usually he's not home yet and there are still piles of laundry to fold and dishes to do. (More often than I'd like, those stay in the sink til morning. Hee.)
I end my days with pondering and prayer and hope that I'll be a little more like the mother I'd like to be the next day. Most days I'm a bit behind in that pursuit by mid-morning. But I'm hoping on. I feel like I sure have fine materials to work with: my girls are as bright and good and dear as could be wished for. They each have their moments, of course. Let's not be silly. But really, I count myself richly blessed.
These things are nothing new for all you young mothers (and fathers) out there, so I know you can relate.
I end my days with pondering and prayer and hope that I'll be a little more like the mother I'd like to be the next day. Most days I'm a bit behind in that pursuit by mid-morning. But I'm hoping on. I feel like I sure have fine materials to work with: my girls are as bright and good and dear as could be wished for. They each have their moments, of course. Let's not be silly. But really, I count myself richly blessed.
These things are nothing new for all you young mothers (and fathers) out there, so I know you can relate.
For one who's always thrived on check marks and the feeling of having everything squared away just so, I think I'm starting to accept "the best I can do" as being enough for the day. I'm trying to get there. Simplifying seems to be key. So please pardon our sparse presence here, and know we're off trying to live life well.
Hearing this message yesterday reminded me to face every new morning joyfully and to remember how very good life is, and that how good it seems depends largely on the way I approach it.
I watched this today and thought I'd pass it along. These are a series of short videos that talk about what we Mormons are really all about, if any of my dear friends out there have ever been curious to know more. This church and the teachings of Jesus Christ on which it is based bring me the greatest joys in my life, and it sure seems stingy not to share.
Lots of love, and a beautiful day to you.
Hearing this message yesterday reminded me to face every new morning joyfully and to remember how very good life is, and that how good it seems depends largely on the way I approach it.
I watched this today and thought I'd pass it along. These are a series of short videos that talk about what we Mormons are really all about, if any of my dear friends out there have ever been curious to know more. This church and the teachings of Jesus Christ on which it is based bring me the greatest joys in my life, and it sure seems stingy not to share.
Lots of love, and a beautiful day to you.
And here are Malan and Jane on their first day of school this year:
19 comments:
Oh Malan is such a babe. Both of them have some serious good looks. Kate, just so you know - I think everyone wonders how you do it all. You really do so much with your kids and you are focused and diligent. You are in the trenches - and doing it alone for the most part. And yet you still find it in you to serve others EVERY day. That speaks volumes and will teach your children way more than having a perfectly clean house. Although your pretty close on that too. You are just a wonderful person and an example to me The fact that you are pausing and reassessing every night is pretty awesome too. You told the story of motherhood at its busiest and that story needs to be told so we know we're not crazy and that our lives are all so similar. Anyway, loved the post.
I also loved this post. It is good to hear we are not alone in these feelings. And thank you for the talk. I just read it and might use some of it in my RS lesson this Sunday. It fits with what I am talking about. I think you are pretty amazing Kate!
I sure admire your ability to put your feelings down in writing. You certainly have a way with words. And it seems like you are doing an awesome job in the mommy department. I read this blog today.http://www.scarymommy.com/to-the-unwashed-masses-of-mothers/
I thought you might enjoy it.
Adorable girls kate. You are a wonderful mom and you can obviously tell that your priorities are your family, and there's nothing wrong with a dirty house, especially when your kids are happy :)
Ah Kate, you are in the wonderful time when you are four to one. I remember well how I finally could not keep up with my expectations and finally let them go. It was a wonderful freeing time that let me enjoy them more as I stopped worrying about getting everything done I wanted to do. You are doing a marvelous job because your girls are happy and your home is beautiful and you are a great support to Caleb. They will get older and more and more helpful so let them take over many of the jobs. Remember to slow down and eliminate what you need to so you can stay healthy and happy and just enjoy the girls. Malan is really starting to look like you and cute little Jane, Olivia and Emmy are just darling too. Love you.
Always amazed by you Kate! You are missed. Come be our neighbors so my boys can Mary your girls:). Call us if you visit & forget the lists......they get in the way of the fun!
P.s. our blog is private now and I'd love to add you... What is your e mail address? Send it to sarahshums78@gmail.com & I'll send an invite to view it:)
Thank you for that link to the Beautiful mornings talk. I somehow missed that the first time around. Beautiful girls you have. That Jane has the white complextion I see in Jacob and my Jack and Malan reminds me so much of you. I've alway looked up to you, little sis.
Um I think I need to go shopping with Jane and Malan so they can show me where they find their darling clothes ;). Thanks for being such a great example to us - sometimes it makes me a little nervous to hear about how crazy residency is, but we are glad to have your example! Thanks for sharing your feelings. I'm glad we have the internet so we can stay connected with you guys.
I feel sometimes that you write down my life in your blog. I could just copy and paste what you have put down because I feel much the same way. You always manage to see everything with the positive and I love that about you. I think the pictures of Jane are just stunning. Of course, Malan is gorgeous too but there is something about Jane in the way she is focused in these photos. Her eyes show her intensity and I love that.
You are a good egg kate. Honesty is so refreshing to all of your adoring fans out here in the www. You are in the prime of the busy season of life and doesnt it feel so good to be productive and busy and exhausted and depleted for such an eternal cause? You inspire me, hope on!
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that good, true voice again and see those dear faces. I've missed you
Wonderful, true, inspiring post. Thanks!
So, once I read a book about Marjorie Hinckley and she was talking to her grown up daughter (Virginia H. Pearce)about having your dishes done at night so you can start the day fresh--and Virginia said she always felt much more ready to do her dishes in the morning. Hooray!
Wow I miss that we don't see your kids more often. They grow up too fast. They are all so beautiful!
I find myself adding things to my to-do list that I have already done just so I can check them off. Hee hee hee. Miss you tons, M and J are getting so big. We found the match video from match day on or computer, Ryken is obsessed with Emerson. Love ya' don't forget you are a wonderful mom, and it is the little things that count
As so many here, I can completely relate. I'm thankful Ethan's residency was only 1 year! But this year has started off crazy and I"m not certain its going to be getting any calmer.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings so thoughtfully with us. It helps to get through the days when we feel less alone. :) I'm ready to take the plunge and begin home school, not sure if that will settle things down or make life more complicated. But I'm excited to have my kids home more!
I haven't checked blogs because, like you, I've been trying to figure out how to fit everything in...or what to kick out.
I am glad you took the time to write. It was great for me to read & remember I'm not the only mom that feels this way.
Thanks for your example. You are amazing!
it really does come to 'just doin' my best' doesn't it? lovely post! you're a grand mom kate!!! i love your blog and i just love you! those kiddos of yours look so happy! that right there is some good proof that you're doing all right!!! it was so great to see you!!! hope to see you again soon!
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