Momly

I've been thinking about my mom and my own momliness quite a bit lately. My mom recently wrote me an email apologizing for an instance when I was 3 and deserved a little spank, which she gave me. I had no recollection of this of course. But I do remember a few weeks ago when Malan was being a total stinker. We had words and I gave her a stern consequence. It's the first time I remember ever being really angry with her. She called me "a very bad girl!" and hid under her bed. I cried myself to sleep on Caleb's shoulder that night.

Sometimes motherhood is just darn hard. When I pictured myself in this role I never imagined the moments of being frustrated, exhausted, and just plain out of patience. I certainly never anticipated feeling anger like that and certainly never want to ever again. Sometimes I feel all my efforts and energy and soul that I'm putting into this are not enough. but i love my little stinkers more than i can say, and i love my mom. i am amazed she raised 12 children. i can't comprehend that! And truly, I only remember her being loving and warm and patient and so positive. Can I hope that my children will not remember my uglier moments?

There's nothing quite so humbling as asking your three-year old to forgive you and then hugging and making up. Malan and I have since turned a real corner and let me tell ya, it's pure joy. She just really grew up in the last week and I guess I did too. I feel like I have a new well of patience and peace I'm drawing from and . . . it's just good.