Caleb is working on the floor at the med this month. A nurse jokingly told him when he was working in the ICU last month not to transfer any patients to the floor that he didn't think could survive the night in his garage. It's apparent now she wasn't joking, the place is barely functional and it sucks the life out of the residents to keep things running. Each of the floor residents have lost 10 to 20 pounds this month. I bought Caleb a giant pack of snickers this week to haul around because his sleeping body felt like a bag of bones. Then I told him he better finish the pack before the weekend or I'd beat him up, and that I think I could take him. He's eating them.
A few nights ago he got home after I'd gone to sleep (again) and then left in the morning before it was light. He woke me to pray with him on his way out and I lay there awake after he left suddenly overcome with loneliness and feeling sorry for myself. It had been five days since we'd had more than a text message between us, or since the girls had clapped eyes on him, and two weeks since he'd had a day off. Then a thought came to mind I'd heard from a very smart friend: "You can't feel grateful and unhappy at the same time." I didn't feel like feeling grateful, I felt like wallowing.
But it turns out I have a lot to be grateful for.
Top of that list is that with zero time together and both of us pretty worn out, we (Caleb and I) are ok. I mean really great. In this together. Committed, like the pig in a ham and eggs breakfast. And that feels pretty good.
Last night I put the girls to sleep in my brother's bonus room so I could go to book club with my sister-in-law Katie, then came back to sleep over with them afterwards. Katie and I stayed up until after 2 talking, so I've been a bit of a waste of space today. But it's so nice to have a sister near to stay up late with.
And I am pleased to report that when I stepped outside to take the girls to the bus this morning the air was brisk. Brisk!
Autumn is here and just like that I feel better about life in general.
Here's what we've been up to this week:
Olivia getting skin-tight with the artistic process, something she's always been known to do. 
Tiny pies from farm-picked apples (not quite ripe yet, made for extra tart tartletts.)
And suddenly Emmerson is 17. She found her way into the dress-ups (sister-assisted) and came down in this gettyup:
(that is our still unfinished booskshelf/window seat thingy in the background, and more of the underpants queen).
Then someone told Emme she could ride on the big kid swings.
A library trip:
And then the windows of heaven opened and Caleb got home at 6:45 on a weeknight:
So it was a good week.
11 comments:
You are all amazing! See you in a few-mom
looks like heaven to me.
I like what your friend told you... and I can relate to not wanting to feel grateful during this difficult time. But you are so right, so much to be thankful for. Thanks for the reminder. :) I've been lucky enough to see my husband every day this week! And some of those days we even got to talk! What a blessing it is to be near family too. Keep up the good work, it can only get better, right?
Know the feeling all too well. You are a married woman, but a single mom. It can be frustrating and you can get down (often, in my case). Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Be grateful you live around family.
I feel the same elation when Kev gets home before 8pm any day of the week!
It's so sad when he goes days without seeing Aspen.
Hooray for the windows of heaven opening! I almost typed "widows." Why do they do that to young doctors? It's like they're trying to break them. Dumb, dumb system.
We love you guys!
I'd love to have a real convo with you over one of those pies. Lovely.
It's surreal to read about the tremendous sacrifices you and your husband are making. I can relate to the feeling of the bond it creates when things are difficult and you KNOW you are doing the right thing and this will only make you stronger.
Your girls always get my hand to my chest in awe. I can NOT believe that is Emme. How? Where is your baby? It made me smile to think of how long we've been following each others stories. I remember the lace shirt, belly photo you posted when you were carrying Olivia. Then she arrived just a few short days later.
I'm so happy to hear you have a sister with in hugs reach.
Love,
R~
Isn't is ironic that those providing medical care are sleep deprived and starving? Hmmm. Hopefully he and you both make it through. Thanks for your "realness", Kate. It is refreshing.
Beautiful pies. Beautiful girls. So glad you have the Memphis Hales around there. Love ya.
You are an amazing women and mother! Sorry you are flying solo so much of the time lately. Some day, it will be worth it, right?! :) I just can't get over how suddenly Emme is a big person and not a little babe!
Your pictures are beautiful as usual. Love! What lens do you shoot with? I'm always amazed at your lighting!
I really like the pies. Tiny things are the best.
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